i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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