I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
