I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
