just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
my poor anus
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
