so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
