So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I need water and some morals
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
