I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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