I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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