he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
