One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
