I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Someone shattered a urinal.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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