I cockslap morals
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
