i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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