No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
