why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
