I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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