if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
