Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
