Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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