just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
