This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
