so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
