Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
it's like iHOP with fire
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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