I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize