I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
