I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
