we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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