take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
