If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize