Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
