Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
BRING THE BAGELS
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
