Who did Billy Mays play for?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
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