Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
