I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
