So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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