I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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