No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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