Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
there is puke in my bra ... again
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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