i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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