Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
