Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize