YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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