Screwed.edu
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
