Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
