I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
