I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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