I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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