I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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