Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
