so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
