Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
it glows. i had to have it.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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