so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
