My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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