what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
