Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
