I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
