I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
