One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
