I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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