I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
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