Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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