I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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