she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
