where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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