the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
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