Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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