I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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