if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
