I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
