He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
