I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
