sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
