I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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