You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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