So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
