i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
