I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
