Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize