I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
